making sense of tragedy.

Jesus said "...He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted..." {luke 4:18}

i don't know about you, but several people, that i would consider aquaintances, have experienced great loss over the past few weeks. 

it's heartbreaking. to read about it and to somewhat feel a little bit of their pain. 

to think about losing one of my sweet littles. to cancer. 

it's overwhelming. 

but yesterday, as i was driving back to town, i received a text message from a sweet friend telling me of a great loss that her family experienced over the weekend. a senseless tragedy in the form of a horrible car accident. and although i do not know this part of her family personally, i have come to love them through the extension of my dear friend. 

and let me just tell you, it was more than i could take. 

it felt paralyzing. for me, who didn't even know the immediate family personally, it all just hit home. 

my heart is still aching for them even as i type this. 

i was away from all of my family when i received the message. away from jeff and my littles. 

i had two hours to ask how our dear heavenly Father could allow such things to happen. so suddenly. without any warning. and to allow a father to outlive a child. it just seems cruel.

but as i was fighting back tears, i received another text from my dear friend. it read:

"such an awful tragedy. indescribable. and has been so hard to see everyone mourning. but god is good and we know He is loving on her as we speak."

amazing. it brings tears to my eyes even still.

she's right.

God. is. good. 

even in the midst of such senseless and awful tragedy.

the awful fact is that we live in a fallen world. and tragedy happens. 

but it's all a means to an end, really. because it is in this devestating tragedy that we cling to our sweet Jesus. and it's in the tragedy that we realize the hope we have in heaven. in seeing this precious little girl again and meeting our Lord face to face. 

for me, though, what can be paralyzing is that this meeting with our Lord could take place any second. for us, or for any of our dear loved ones. this is what hits in the depth of my soul and can, if i'm not careful, absolutely overwhelm me with grief & anxiety. 

but as i have been praying for this sweet family today, our faithful God has reminded me over and over how this is a sin. for me to worry & to be anxious for my own loved ones is a sin. for jesus said "and who of you, by being worried, can add a single hour to his life?" {matthew 6:27}

whoa. 

powerful message, right?

my dear friend was {and is} right. GOD IS GOOD. and, as she put it in her first message to me, He has a PERFECT plan. much more perfect that mine every could be. HE knows when my time is up. when my dear husband's time is up. when my precious, precious littles' times will be up. and who am i to worry about when that time will be or how it will come? worrying about it does not and will not change it. praying about it will draw me closer to him and strengthen my trust that my loved ones are in HIS hands, not mine. and that is so much better. 

"but seek first HIS kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you. so do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will care for itself. each day has enough trouble of its own." matthew 6:33-34

this will be my focus in raising and loving on my children. this has to be my focus. because no matter how hard i try, i do not have control. 

i love the lord.

i love this sweet family. 

and i pray that all of those who have experienced this tragedy, and others like it, would find the perfect peace that only comes from trusting in the one true living God.

project life. MUCH better.

i was less than inspired by my layout last week. 

however. that's what is SO great about this project.

you put it behind you & move on to the next week. 

you don't have to WAIT to be inspired again - you just are. 

as soon as you get your pictures developed. 

there's no waiting around & figuring out a new layout. the format is the same. 

the PICTURES are different. 

it's a different story. told the same way. it's genius!

i even went for a blue & red theme this week. since it was the fourth & all. 

love this page. 

have you started yet?

bookshelf makeover.

do any of you follow the jones design company blog?

ummm yeah. she's SUPER talented.

{and she has GREAT hair!}

when i first discovered her blog a few months ago, i saw this post.

with this picture of her favorite spot in the house.

{i'm afraid to put it up here for fear of it making my rendition look so dinky!!}

anyway... i have that very same wall in my house {going up the stairs} and i was dying to do the same thing. but the hubby wasn't crazy about it.

so a few weeks ago, i thought of something.

my dark & dreary bookshelf!!

i would love to paint it {or even just the inside of it} a yummy turquoise - but i fear that's a fad and i don't want to participate more than a few 'pops' here & there that are easily replaceable.

so i decided to recreate it like this -



i took out a shelf {it used to have three} so i could add a big lamp.

i'm on the hunt for three globes for the top. {i think i've mentioned before how high our ceilings are - and how that's a grass-is-always-greener-on-the-other-side thing.}

and i don't have any idea what to put in that green polka dot container. {my mom won it at pokeno - but it doesn't fit with the decor in her house... so she gave it to me! thanks mom!} i'm open to suggestions, friends!

he still isn't crazy about it. he might even think it's a bit bizarre... but hey - it did the trick... to lighten up my dark and too formal for me bookshelf.

all it took was an old mary higgins clark book & some double sided tape. {notice it's not perfect - but i actually LOVE that about it.}

anyway - that's my latest fun project around the house - although i've been working on some sewing stuff too... which is always hit or miss for me! i will say that i sewed my first dress for myself. and i'm even wearing it! plus - i made this little pillowcase dress for my lil' miss that matched. {that she promptly 'exploded' on while we were driving to church sunday... can i just say that there is something about the way she sits in that car seat that must make it just right for her..... tmi?}

hope you're having a fantastic week!

saturday + the ugly stuff.

whew.

that's all i care to say about the weekend today.

we had a wonderful day on saturday, beginning with some exercise and pool time with friends {as you can see by the pictures}.

we've been going to jack carter weekly. sometimes two times a week.

each time, i ask brady if he wants to go down the slide. he always says no. always.

saturday was no different. even with daddy there.

but all of a sudden, we watch him - by himself slide down the slide! with no prompting from us or pierce.

and then we couldn't get him to stop.

the daddys relaxed with the itty bitties.

it was super fun. and i can't wait to take him to hawaiian falls now! he will have so much fun!

i have to say that one thing i LOVE about my 'big girl camera' is the way it captures water.

I. LOVE. IT.

and the picture below is my VERY favorite.

little miss was trying to get stella's hat. i don't think she was too happy about it.

saturday afternoon, we ran some errands at lowe's and we {ahem, jeff} mowed the yard without any help from brady because "it's too hot, mommy". 

all of that is GREAT. i love family time. i LOVE saturdays. and i LOVE when the hubbs is home and we get to spend extended family time together.

but it's not ALL great. 

despite doing my best to be honest & vulnerable, i feel like it can appear on a lot of blogs - mine included - that life is peachy 95% of the time. 

and although we are BEYOND blessed with health, loving family & friends, a church home and a lovely roof over our heads, we have hard days. looong days. some days worse than others. some days full of downright ugliness. some just moments of ugliness - and some without ugliness at all! {those ar the BEST!!!}

but - friday night was U.G.L.Y.  we battled over eating a taco. a better way to put it is just eating two BITES of a taco. 

brady didn't eat. anything. {that's right, i've become that mom.}

to make a long story short. he threw NUMEROUS temper tantrums - with trips to his room in between to calm down. he didn't eat anything for dinner. and he ended up in bed at 6:45. 

it broke my heart. but jeff & i were determined to stand firm.

and after an early morning jog with joanna, i came home to a little boy running out the door saying "i ate my taco, mommy! i ate my taco!!!" oh - that's right. he was GOING to try it before he ate anything else. so jeff had made him a plate of a heated up taquito and some salsa. he at THREE bites. at 7:30! {yuck!!!} 

but now he knows we mean business. he NEEDS to try new things. i was always a picky eater growing up... and i feel like i missed out on so many good things because i just didn't try them.

and we don't want that for him. at all. 

so - right now, i will celebrate the victory of the taco. 

lunch today will be the battle of the turkey sandwich. {the peanut butter & jelly battle was so much smaller than i thought it would be!} so here's to hoping this battle will be small and short lived too.

so, see? it ain't all pretty. some days i wish i had a reset button to press. at 10 a.m. anyone else get the picture? 

but today, on this hot & sticky monday morning, i am incredibly thankful for two healthy, sweet children. hearing about all of this sickness affecting some children around me makes me praise the lord every day for our health. knowing that in an instant life could change for all of us.  

i feel like this could easily paralyze me as a mom. but i know that my children are not my own. they are the lord's. and they are in much better hands that if i were in charge upstairs. it is a challenge i have to meet every morning and give them up every. day. 

let me end by saying that i'm very thankful for our hope in heaven. 

i pray that YOU have that hope too. 

happy monday to you all.

week in review.

this week has been jam packed.

with play dates. projects. meals. laundry. work. work. and more work. {for jeff - anyway.}

on monday morning we went to jack carter with stella & pierce. {and miss joanna, of course!!!}

the boys had fun playing on some odd cement square that has been there forever {wondering what it's covering up?} and running around. skipping. {or so they said.}

love this picture of b. {below}

he's literally off the ground.

monday afternoon we made smoothies. 

with the magic bullet.

i totally made fun of my dad for getting for me. but - i use it. especially in the summer.

it's perfect for smoothies. really.

and b. likes to pick out his own fruit. 

this time it was pineapple. blueberries. raspberries & black berries. 

with a splash of apple juice.

{it was yummy - but if you have a smoothie recipe - please share! i'd love to try something new!}

charlotte's been wearing "big girl" bows. 

{i.e., bows without a headband.}

she was NEVER a fan of the headband. always took it off. 

but these little bows don't bother her in the least. 

{this one is courtesy of miss kate. we love you, miss kate!! PS. where'd you get these? they're so cute!}

friday we went to the stonebridge beach club with riley & miss amanda.

we're going to the beach later this summer - and he was talking about all the stuff we were going to do there. so i had to explain to him - this is a "little" beach - and we're going to the big beach with mimi & papa. 

but when we got there, he shouted: "mommy, this is the biggest. beach. ever!!!"

so cute!

miss amanda looks good with a baby in her arms. doesn't she? {wink!}

riley & b. practiced the "baywatch run" {or - that's what i called it..}

leaving their noodles in the water and running from the top of the sand to the pool and jumping on their noodles. 

{here's the baywatch run...}

i love full weeks like this - but it also makes me long for a quiet weekend. 

or a quiet week next week.

happy friday - and happy weekend.

oh - and P.S.

tonight, jeff & i will say good bye to friday night lights. 

i know that i'm going to be boo-hooing. as silly as it might sound. 

i normally get sports tears every week. but this week i have a feeling it's gonna be more than that. 

i can't believe it's over. 

and kelly over at fabulous k posted on her facebook that espn classic is replaying EVERY episode starting with season one. 

we still haven't seen season two so we WILL be recording that!!! 

those of you who have direct tv. and have seen the last episode - no spoilers please!

even if you weren't into fnl - PLEASE watch tonight! i know it's going to be awesome. you'll be sad that you've never watched before & run out to get season one! i promise!!!

that's all.