at the urging of friends.....

i am posting this video.

i still shake my head and laugh.

wow.

if you don't have kids....  you won't.

last week, the hubbs was out of town. on the first night, i was feeding c. and brady told me he was going to go read in his room.

sure, i thought. he normally doesn't get into anything... and in my head i wasn't worried about anything he could get into upstairs anyway. {i was in the playroom upstairs and his room is literally RIGHT there!}

anway. a few minutes {5, tops} later, i realized i hadn't heard him so i asked him what he was doing. still, quiet. so i told him to come here.

he did.

his shirt {pajamas, ugh!} was covered in baby powder.

yay!

i slowly got up and when i realized that a big mess had already taken place, i grabbed my phone so i could video it for the hubbs. {play the sympathy card & maybe i'll get flowers, right?} ha.

so... ignore my voice. but this is me finding the mess.

love it.

life as i know it.

****BE FOREWARNED: THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE A DOWN & DIRTY POST, BUT SOME OF YOU HAVE ASKED.....SO I BASICALLY JUST SPILLED MY GUTS! IF YOU MAKE IT TO THE END, YOU'RE MY HERO!****

a few of you may have noticed {and have told me so} that i have been on a bit of a blogging hiatus.

hmmm. yes.

it wasn't intentional. i promise.

it just sort of....well....it just sort of happened.

i used to love blogging. i used to love telling about our messy and crazy and beautiful life.

it may just be that it's gotten more messy and crazy than beautiful & when i do find a moment to myself {ahem... there are few} that i literally fall down with my 5th, 6th or 7th cup of coffee for the day and act like a vegetable in front of the television.

ha. can you relate?

no energy. none. no passion for anything. none.

it turns out that my motto of slowing down & enjoying the holidays each & every moment of them has turned into not speeding back up. at. all.

to be quite honest... it's turned into some awful sort of boredom coupled with an ungodly attitude of apathy.

if you're a woman {99.9% of those reading this} then you know that sometimes we can go through what the hubbs likes to call a "funk". i'm not even talking about that certain visitor that comes once a month for a day or two here or there. i'm talking about the kind that comes  - perhaps once a year, or once every two years, or perhaps even once in your lifetime - when you question what you're doing in this life. where you're going. who you're glorifying. how you're treating those around you. how you're being perceived. how you spend your time. how you organize your home. how you KEEP your home. and on and on and on...... well. i'm there.

so...... i haven't blogged.
 
i really don't want to paint a picture that we have it all together. even by saying i don't have it together i don't want to appear that i want you to feel sorry for me for not having it together.... and on and on.

i haven't been able to put my finger on where my 'funk' is going.

at first i thought that i was just tired. {because of the newborn, right?} but then she started to sleep 8+ hours at night. so i lost that excuse. and then i thought it was that i haven't been able to find a routine. sometimes i cannot even get myself to the grocery store except to buy diapers & milk. {and maybe a candy bar}.  but i'm kind of in a forced routine now anyway so i've decided that's not it.

but then. i forced myself to go to our first bible study on wednesday. i normally LOVE bible study & here i was going back to the group i'd taken a semester off from and i was so excited. but come wednesday morning, i literally had to drag myself there.

and i'm so glad i did.

we went around our table and we were asked to say one thing that we were really excited about this year. a goal or a season, etc. remember - these are all some of my dearest friends. and so they went. 

some are training for a race. some are taking continuing ed class. one sweet girl is going through the process of adoption {while already having 3 of her own!}. when they got to me i simply blurted out: 


"right now, i'm just trying to make it through the day."


wow. it brings tears to my eyes even now as i write it down.


i wanted to scream after i said it "i don't want to live life this way!" and more than that i really don't want to teach my kids to live life this way!!!! seriously! it makes me so mad AT MYSELF when a day comes and goes and there is absolutely nothing to show for it. ugh. ugh. and more ugh.


so.... as i was chewing on that thought, our women's minister came and spoke. 


she's amazing. if you haven't ever heard her, she'll having you rolling on the ground crying from laughing so hard and then the next second she'll "land the plane" and have tears rolling down your face from a heavy heart of conviction from the Holy Spirit Himself. wow. love.her.


anyway..... {as this post gets longer & longer....} to loosely quote her, she said: "as a wife & a mom, we spend the bulk of our time doing things that only GOD will appreciate or even notice."

wow. what.a.blow.

can i get an "amen!"??

so the thought occured to me. who am i living my life for? for earthly praise or for eternal praise? to glorify myself & even my family or to glorify GOD ALMIGHTY?

where am i finding JOY? remember... God never promises happiness, although i don't think He wants us to be UNhappy. maybe just a bit uncomfortable. for a season. maybe even a LONG season. {which this is turning out to be longer than i thought or wanted it to be....}

so. the moral of the story? i. am. here. WITHOU all the answers. we are alive & everyone is healthy. i'm very thankful, although it might not seem like it after all of that wordiness. i've been taking pictures here & there of our journey the past few weeks but not as many as i'd like. PLUS i have to clean off my computer before i can even attempt to load them. so. this is it.

if i may, let me end with this.

yes, i'm not in a season in my mind that i like right now... i have no idea why or how i even got here. i can't just 'snap out of it', nor do i think the LORD wants us to just mask over our seasons like this and move on... because in this season, i need HIM all the more. and i think that's the point, isn't it? if we were comfortable all.the.time then we wouldn't need Him. yearn for Him. cry out to Him.

so, as i continue on and accept this 'wilderness' as it is and try to learn from it instead of fight against, i will cling to His words.

"summing it all up, friends, i'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious --- the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.  put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. do that, and GOD, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." philippians 4:8-9, the message

***i promise a fun post. almost immediately. so please stay tuned. i'm not always debbie downer right now!***

christmas eve. late.

christmas eve. yes, it's january and i'm just now posting these pictures. in fact, when i loaded my camera, it says this roll is from 2011. so i must have not even loaded our christmas pictures until after january 1st. wow. can you say 'behind'?

well - it's just been that kind of day. or week. or month... or whatever. we've had a complicated time getting into a routine after the holidays. we haven't really had the chance or needed to get into a routine with all of the different events surrounding the holidays... so in many ways i feel like we're starting all over.

but i digress... that's not what this post is about.

christmas eve.

was wonderful. it started out a bit chaotic, finishing PW's cinnamon rolls and starting a quiche/savory cheesecake/fritta thing for jeff's christmas morning breakfast and a broken water heater.

oh yeah. that.

do you remember christmas eve? it was POURING DOWN RAIN almost all day.

which is perfect christmas eve weather. when you're staying inside... and not waiting on a plumber to come & fix your water heater.... before you need to go to church.

he never got to our house. and our water heated back up. eventually. and it's working now. but we need to replace it. we thought we might have to take all of our christmas presents back & by a new water heater... but thankfully it all worked out.

ah. i digress, yet again.

we eventually got to church. brady has yet to learn how to whisper on a consistent basis. he wasn't 'bad', just kind of 'loud'. BUT - it's expected. it's christmas eve and there is NO nursery for any kid over the age of 2. so oh well. {charlotte was a little angel though!}

and after church, we went over to mimi & papa's for dinner & gifts. what fun?! we loved getting to spend some time over there, and of course we were spoiled. jeff got some new 'dress boots' & i got a much-needed & unexpected knife block! i was so excited! it was such a thoughtful gift that gets used EVERY SINGLE DAY!! woo-hoo!!!

sweet smiles.

Hodge Podge of Stuff...

Have ya'll seen this on facebook:

Pay it Forward 2011: I promise to send something handmade to the first 5 people who leave a comment here. They must in turn post this and send something they make to the first 5 people who comment on their status. *The rules are that it must be handmade by you and it must be sent to your 5 people sometime in 2011.

well - i LOVE this concept... in fact, even though i already posted it on my FB wall, I'm going to post it again here since I commented on Lindsay's blog too! So - leave a comment... it doesn't have to be anything important... and I will send you something "handmade".  And yes, baked goods, dinner, etc. count {in my opinion}!!! {if you've commented on FB, you don't count on here!!}

I'm hoping people post pictures of what they make {and receive} as their handmade gifts... I love getting new ideas from people! I've really been reflecting on my Thirty Things Before Thirty and one of them is to be more 'crafty'. i think i've done well at the sewing - but perhaps not the crafting. so my handmade stuff will be 'crafting' for some & 'sewing' for others. :)

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i'm making chili. texas chili. {that means NO BEANS for those of you who don't know}. in fact, it's really plain jane. i'll put the recipe up soon... because it's SO good. it's a little different each time, but i think i'm getting there on the mixture of spiciness and saltiness! love.

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jeff told me that i need to post more about charlotte. i can't believe she'll be EIGHT weeks tomorrow. i just don't feel like much has changed about her since we brought her home from the hospital. she's starting to fill out more. {that means 'chunk up' for all of you baby lovers}. she's just starting to smile, and today she smiled REAL big for me - but only for a second or two. we pretty much rotate between being held, bouncy seat, swing and tummy time right now.

she doesn't really 'do' much.

she's definitely getting heavier, if that counts. she's slept through the night a few times since we changed things up last week. {three times, to be exact}. we were waking her up between 10-11 to eat and then trying to let her sleep/cry it out, etc. but she would wake up every 2 hours one night and then every 4 the next. no consistency. {even though our days - especially being home bound in the potty area, have been UBER-consistent!}

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on another note, i took a bunch of pictures around the house at christmas... hoping to get them up before the season was over. but it didn't happen. SURPRISE! ha. here they are. i decorated the whole month. i kept bringing stuff out until that last few days. the good news {for jeff, at least} was that i only used what we had except for one craft and some new ribbon! yaya!

enjoy the pics. it makes me miss christmas.

we've been....

potty training. 

there, i said it. i didn't say potty trainED did i? nope. i said trainING.

{although i think we're doing pretty great, just two weeks in}

i got the crazy idea in my head this summer that potty training would be best suited for us AFTER lil' miss came. i was right, too, in my opinion. i can't imagine bending over and wiping up as much as i have while having a preggo belly and swollen ankles, etc.

i have to admit. it was {and is} probably the hardest thing i've done as a mom to date. it caused some bitterness toward the hubbs when i was cleaning up accidents all day long and whenever he was home, b. would go to the potty PERFECTLY. of course. why wouldn't it be that way, right?

so... friday morning after our last day of 'school' in 2010, we started our adventure.

wait - let me back up. thursday night we went to target to pick out our 'big boy undies' and get the hot wheels and potty seat. i have to say b. was SO excited. AND every other mom that i saw made a huge deal to b. about potty training... "you are SUCH a big boy!" "wow! look at those big boy undies!" he got a kick out of it {and so did i!}

so back to friday morning. we were doing the 3-day potty training method. {i had determined a while back that we were either going to do the 'potty thing' or not. if it got to be saturday night and he was not doing well, we were going to stop & try again later. i did not want to be 'sort of' potty-training for months on end, so this method was the best i'd heard about!} we threw away all {and i mean ALL} of our diapers. we loaded up on liquids all morning and all i said for 3 days straight was "let me know when you need to go potty..." "are you dry?" "we need to keep your undies dry, okay?" etc. etc. etc. etc.

friday morning was ROUGH. accident after accident after accident. then came the #2 accident... that i'll admit was NOT as bad as i thought it would be. still gross.

i was worried that i was forcing something on him...

but then, it happened. he told me he needed to go potty and we went. and he went. i shed a few tears. we called daddy. success!!!

and then we had a good afternoon after naptime. but then we slept and i guess we forgot. 

saturday a.m. he did not want to drink anything. so i ran to 7-11 and got him a slurpee. that's right. a slurpee at 10 a.m. but hey - we needed practice. 

jeff left to do a few christmas errands and in that span of time we had 3 accidents. i was about to give up. and then, as soon as he got home... we had success again. and again. and again!

sunday - no accidents. in fact, we didn't have another accident until a friend came over to play and he was distracted. and then, after that, we didn't have one until yesterday - at church. 

so - i think we're doing pretty good. on tee-tee, at least. we're still working on the 'other thing'. he seems to only do that when he's in a pull-up at nighttime. we can't, for the life of us, get him to tell us when he needs to go!!! help! {i've heard that one is difficult to train though... so i don't think we're that abnormal}.