Confession.

CONFESSION –

Over the last few months, as I would read all of your wonderful stories and achievements of your little ones and your own lives on your blogs, I began to compare my lot with many of yours. Shocking, I know… but it led to lots and lots of worrying. I began getting frustrated with myself and questioning how I was doing as a mommy. Reading on a friend’s blog that her daughter (who is younger than B) was saying ma-ma and da-da and meaning it resulted in thoughts of “maybe I’m not reading enough to Brady”. Reading that a little one has learned to clap and wave, while Brady still doesn’t do any ‘tricks’, resulted in questioning whether or not I spent enough ‘training’ time with him. And don’t even get me started on the sign language thing.

I began to be overcome with worry and anxiety… even to the point of not sleeping. I began to worry that I didn’t love Brady enough because I didn’t want to sit around all day and just stare at him. I questioned how I was parenting. I questioned whether or not we were at home enough, whether we played together enough, whether he was eating all the right things, why he didn’t have teeth (because that just HAD to be my fault) and why he wasn’t reading yet. (Ok, that last one was a joke).

Anyway, the bottom line was that I was discontent. I wasn’t appreciating my little boy for who he was, and his little friends for who they were…. I was constantly comparing. Not comparing in a way that was as if I was saying “my son is better than your son” but in a way that was saying “why isn’t my son there yet”. And I was definitely not appreciating my God for HE is as a result of that constant comparing... I knew that these feelings were definitely from satan himself.

So, in my lamenting, my sweet and dear friend, Becky, challenged me to take a brief hiatus from the blog world to see if that would put things in perspective for me. (She was going to be joining me in the hiatus, but for other reasons). And I must say, God has taught me new things about my precious Little One that I never saw before, or would have probably ever seen. He showed me how to enjoy Brady in precious new ways. He revealed the sweet sense of humor that Brady has. He showed me that Brady is super independent, and likes to figure things out on his own, all the while making sure that his mommy approves. He loves books, not for me to read to him, but for him to look at – on his OWN! He showed me that Brady, too, has a sinful nature as he begins to test limits. Ultimately, God has made it clear to me that Brady is not my child, but His… a gift that has been graciously given to me for His time.

STILL ONE MORE CONFESSION –

Blogging absolutely SUCKED the life out of my day. I loved it so very much…. But there would just be chunks of my day that were simply gone. When I first starting writing after we had Brady, I had no idea that I would love ‘journaling’ our life change so much, but I did… and obviously a little too much. During B’s naptime, I would sit on the sofa, load pictures, edit pictures, write stories (trying to convey the humor that had been my day) and then Brady would wake up and absolutely nothing would have gotten done around the house. Then, when Jeff would get home, it was not a place of rest for my dear husband. It was a chaotic mess. Instead of enjoying time with him, I would be frantically running around because dishes would be in the sink, laundry would sit on the bed, unfolded of course, and I’d still be in my pajamas. This is NOT a dramatization. Blogging seriously took a place in my life that it never should have had.

With ALL of that said, I am now ready to come back to the Blogging World with a new perspective. I feel like I have a new lease on life. I’m ready to read all of your sweet stories for what they are and I am ready to share all of my stories again in all of their glory – good and bad. So enjoy the massive updates below! Thank you all for being super patient with me in this lengthy message!