Speechless

"But we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." - Romans 5: 3-5

I've been trying to write this post for several days now and no words even can come to my mind to write. Perhaps it's because God does not want me to take any credit for getting to this moment. Perhaps it's because I cannot wrap my brain around the numerous small miracles, that will go unsaid, that Jeff and I have witnessed in our lives over the past several weeks. They may not seem like anything, but have been an enormous symbolf of hope and peace in our household. Please hear me on this - it is ONLY by His outpouring of love and the prayers of many of you that we have gotten through in one piece, without any major breakdowns, major outburst or bitterness on my part. God has completely fallen on our household and has reminded me over the past few weeks when Jeff's been gone, that it could be worse. A lot worse.

My husband could be risking his precious life for our crumbling nation, like my sweet friend Amber's. My husband could have passed away from a sudden heart attack and then my son could have gotten diagnosed with a rare form of Cancer, like Kristi's. How have I not seen the bigger picture before?

My point is not to be morbid, but to say that these two sweet, strong, christian women have such 'bigger' things going on in their lives right now than I could ever bear. I feel shameful even letting it out that I truly struggled through the last two weeks. That I cried, several times for Jeff as he would leave in the morning with the weight of the world on his shoulders. That my heart would literally ache as he would rush home just to get a few minutes with his son (who adores him, by the way) before he goes to bed. I guess, God has really been showing me that although this has been hard... there's no denying that... life is not about ME. Life is about walking through the things that every day life brings, such as preparing for the Bar, and looking for every opportunity that God places in your walk to glorify Him. It's about obedience... not just in words, but in action and in heart.

So - for those of you who were so kind to send emails, texts and FOOD my way, I want to thank you (for the five pounds I've gained in one week). Thank you for praying us through this, because God has shown me SO very much through each and every one of you. I

(Thank you, Lindsay - for pointing out that verse to me this week!)

p.s. If you want to read Jeff's thoughts about the Bar - just go HERE.