not me monday.

i got a perfect night sleep last night next to my husband who was not having the chills and i did not end up getting up every hour or so with my son who was not whining for seemingly no reason.

all three of us did not wake up this morning feverish and with runny noses and coughs. no, we certainly did not.

i did not have to drag my less than 100% self and my sicky little boy to my 35 week check up at 9 a.m. and i most certainly did not bribe my son with a milkshake if he was happy at the doctor - and it did not work. we did not have a screaming meltdown when we had to leave the doctor because b. wanted to 'hear the baby' some more... and i did not have to carry my 30+lb son out of the hospital and to the car while 8 months pregnant. nope. that would not happen to us.

after not getting the milkshake from sonic that i did not promise brady, he did not poke a whole in the cup and the milkshake did not get all over him, his car seat and my freshly washed car. i would sigh, but remember, this did not happen to us.

when we finally got home, i definitely did not turn the t.v. for the remainder of the morning until nap time - and i did not let brady dictate what show we watched and when. i did not put him down 15 minutes early and i really did not sleep for the whole 3 hour nap time. i really didn't. i promise.

i did not try to remedy the unproductive morning by attempting to the grocery store at 5 p.m. and while getting ready to leave, i did not use the remote start on my car which did not proceed to lock my sweet son in the car already buckled into his carseat. my phone, bag, keys, etc. were of course, not in the car locked in there with him. of course they weren't. i did not have to go knock on neighbors door, telling them what happened so that i could call the fire department. nope. not this mama. {did i mention that this has not happened to brady before?}

four firemen did not come, and they did not have their sirens & lights on, and they definitely did not park in front of my house for my whole neighborhood to see! it did not take them 30+minutes to open the car and i'm sure my dear husband was not flying down the tollway trying to get home to give us his keys.

after all of this did not happen, brady did not get invited to come inside the firetruck and honk their horns and turn the sirens on. he definitely wanted to - he wasn't scared at all. why would he be? he does not yell "firetruck" at the top of his lungs anytime he hears a siren of any kind.

the hubbs did not get home 10 minutes after the firemen left and i was not a hysteric mess that he had to calm down. i held it together extremely well. i did not try to go to the grocery store after the hubbs got home, and it was not packed beyond what i had ever seen. i did not drop a dozen eggs on the floor and it did not take 30 minutes to check out. i did not forget to get benedryl for all of the people in my family who are not sick - so i did not have to make another trip out to cvs. they were not out of benedryl. {and remember, i'm not pregnant - so i do NOT have to worry about what kind of medicine i take!} i did not wait in line to ask the pharmacist if it was okay to take the generic brand while pregnant. i did not grab a tabloid magazine at check out to keep me occupied while i'm sleeping so soundly tonight. the elderly gentlement checking out next to me most certainly did not comment on 'reading my baby that kind of trash' and i did not get politely annoyed.

to top it all off, i had not just cleaned up the kitchen & put the groceries away when my husband's carbonated beverage exploded everywhere. it is not still sticky in there because we most certianly got the mop out right away. i am not planning on taking a hot bath & taking 2 benedryl and going to bed at 9 pm. nope. not this mama. i don't know about your house, but it is definitely a picture perfect life over here... and i do not love it anyway.